Have you ever asked yourself why men pull away?
You could be in a loving, committed relationship, things are going well, you are both happy, you might even be wondering if he’s the one, and then for apparently no reason at all he pulls away.
Given that everything was going so well you are likely to be confused and hurt, uncertain as to whether your relationship has any future.
[wps_highlight background=”#fff37f” color=”#000000″]Hard because it could appear, there is every chance that your guy is confused as well. If you have a relationship worth fighting for then you have to be able to understand your man, what motivates him, and what scares him.[/wps_highlight]
I’ll start off with the more pathetic reasons as to why men pull away. I should say that the following reasons by no means cover the majority of cases, but you do need to be aware of them.
#1 The most basic is that he’s not interested.
It could be that all he wanted to do was have his wicked way with you and now he wants to drift on to his next conquest.[wps_lists icon=”mail-forward” icon_color=”#dd3333″]
- It could be the case that he has another girlfriend,
- It could also be that he came to you on the rebound.
- he might have needed to prove to himself that he still has it, and having done so he is no longer interested in you.
- It’s possible that he doesn’t feel compatible with you.
or worse, but he’s too much of a coward to tell you, so instead he pulls away and leaves you wondering what has happened.
Instead of talking things through with you, he just pulls away. In this case, it’s possible that you might not be a compatible couple, but before you make a judgment on that, you need to talk things through to see if there is a way forward.
#2. There’s also the problem that some men are just plain selfish.
The whole universe revolves around them, and if you don’t subscribe to that state of being then you are of no interest to them.
If your state of affairs fits into any of these four situations, then please let you guy pull away as far as possible.
You don’t need someone like that, and you are highly unlikely to be a lasting, fulfilling relationship with an individual like that! Right then, having dealt with the dross, we now need to look at what happens when you are in what should be a happy and fulfilling relationship.
Trying to create an Associate in Nursing unreal, fantasy relationship will make men pull away.
Well, it’s pretty straightforward and simple. They get scared. They get intimidated. They feel hurt and wounded. They feel inadequate.
They start resenting you because you’re a better version of a man than they are and they’re lacking in[wps_lists icon=”arrow-right” icon_color=”#81d742″]
- in honesty
- in transparency
and they’re just plain not responsible. They’re not ready.
Something scares them. Something intimidates them. Somehow they feel inadequate. They get angry and frustrated at some situation or they get resentful because you’re either too much of a woman or a better man than they are.
The blame, the shame, the inadequacy, and the criticism starts coming across, and either their inner voice or someone on the outside.
“What’s going on?”, and it falls apart. When men fall apart from the inside out, they pull away. When they pull away, they don’t communicate. What they do is they go into their cave.
[wps_note size=”17″ background=”#fae588″ color=”#333333″ radius=”3″]Remember, while men have left the cave, the cave hasn’t really left the man! And so, men grow up physically, sometimes they grow up financially and have incredibly successful professional careers, but what they don’t have is an emotional success.
They haven’t dealt with their Fisher King wound. They haven’t dealt with being Peter Pan and running away from responsibility, from growing up emotionally, from having the emotional intelligence to be able to speak to you. In the sacred soulmate signals, the four core secret soulmate signals are[wps_lists icon=”check” icon_color=”#dd3333″]
The connection is the place where intimacy is built. When a man gets scared or intimidated or frustrated or angry or feels inadequate or thinks you’re just too good for him, he stops connecting, he disconnects, effective communication disappears, and you’re left wondering why.
The blame, the shame, the inadequacy, and the criticism comes from his inner voice to him; or your outer voice to him; or once he leaves, you’re like:[wps_lists icon=”question” icon_color=”#dd3333″]
- “What happened”
The real reason is they haven’t grown up emotionally.
So we’ve dealt with the importance of communication, but there is another part of communication that is just as important as talking, and that’s listening to what your partner has to say.
To some degree we all have our own egos and if we have something to say we want to know that people are listening to us.
[wps_alert type=”warning”]Men like to be listened to, women like to be listened to, and so if your man thinks that he’s not being listened to then he could pull away with his pride all hurt and wounded so that he can have a good sulk.[/wps_alert]
Regardless of who’s saying it, if one of you has something to say then the other should want to listen because what is important to you should be important to them. But have you ever noticed just how difficult it is to actively listen?
[wps_highlight background=”#fff37f” color=”#000000″]If you’re interested in what’s being said then you are more likely to listen. If you’re not that interested then your face will assume a blank stare (ah body language, don’t you just love it and the neat way that it reveals what you are thinking), you probably won’t take much notice, but you will make vague non-committal grunts just to give the impression that you are listening.[/wps_highlight]
the worst thing is when you are arguing because instead of listening to what your partner is saying, you are more likely to be considering the best way to respond. Regardless of how interesting or not you find the subject make sure that you give your full attention, ask questions, clarify points.
When you actively listen to someone, apart from giving them the same courtesy that you would expect from them, you are showing that you care, you are showing that what matters to them is also important to you, and if you guy knows that you genuinely care about what he thinks then he is going to feel a lot closer to you.
At some point, you are going to argue. There is nothing wrong with arguments that clear the air and highlight issues, they help you both to deal with problems and to move your relationship forward.
For whatever reason you are having an argument, instead of just confining yourself to the problem at hand you start to bring up every issue and past misdeed that he has committed, needless to say, this is not a healthy way to argue.
Men will pull away from someone who nags, someone who can’t leave the past in the past, this sounds a bit harsh, but men will pull away from a drama queen.
[wps_alert type=”note”]No-one is perfect, everyone makes mistakes, but you have to learn from your mistakes and move on. Depending on what has happened it doesn’t mean that you have to forgive him, but if you want your relationship to survive you have to leave the past in the past, and until you can do that and move your life forward, you will be stuck in limbo.[/wps_alert]
They haven’t learned how to communicate. They don’t trust that the process will work out. That’s why the four core sacred soulmate signals are so essential.
Building connection, exploring compatibility, and making sure you’re using effective communication to have that compatibility absolutely explored before you explode the chemistry that’s there,
because once you are bonded through exploding the chemistry and physically sharing, then the oxytocin or the dopamine and all the other stuff is just coming in, and you’re asking yourself: “What happened?”
The taming of the shrew is something that a man doesn’t know how to handle. And what that means is he doesn’t know how to handle the impact of seeming conflict or criticism in a way that allows him to stand up and be “I’m gonna come with[wps_lists icon=”arrow-right” icon_color=”#1e73be”]
- authenticity to the relationship
I’m gonna honor the relationship and I’m going to do what it takes “to make sure we get through this. and we’ll move forward.
But once that blame, that shame, that inadequacy, and that criticism takes over, whether it’s coming from his inner voice or your outer voice, he starts bolting.
when he closes down the connection, he goes into his cave. When he goes into his cave, his ability to effectively communicate disappears. So, have hope. There are real men out there.
They know what to do.
They’ve gone through their Fisher King wound, which is something that might have been around for a long time, some inner unhealed wound that got triggered, and they’re ready to deal with it.
They’re ready, to be honest, and transparent and responsible, or they’ve dealt with it and they’re over it. They won’t bail.
Men pull away for reasons that might not even be known to them, be patient with him, try to understand him, don’t try to enclose him, and make him feel wanted and appreciated.
P.S. If you’ve been banging your head against the wall because you’ve fallen for a man who’s frustratingly unavailable…
Or if you’re being treated as an option with a guy and want him to feel like you’re “the one” he’s been looking for his entire life…
Then pay close attention to this video because here’s a secret almost nobody is talking and can change everything for you if you understand how to use it.