There’s such a big time and emotional investment into this person and often times when he’s pulling way. He’ll make excuses up which the women that I’m talking to are.
So caring and loving towards the sky that they actually will buy. To some of these excuses is being okay. And so they end up getting in these kind of relationships where they’re almost chasing a guy and I’m just thinking to myself. Wait. Wait, what? What are you what are you doing? the first reason why men don’t commit is.
You are this amazing woman.
You’ve got an incredible career.
You’ve got people who love you. Why are you why are you investing time in this guy who is not even not even returning your calls? Like that doesn’t make sense. I think that there’s like one simple fundamental understanding about long-term commitment that once you understand this truth.
It makes it really easy to figure out what a guy wants whether he’s looking for a long-term commitment or just a short-term hookup.
And so that’s what I want to go through and I’m going to teach you in this article one specific question that you can ask a man to determine what he’s looking for now before I tell you that that question I want to actually show you how men can make a decision to commit Relationship versus making the decision to pull away and avoid a relationship.
So here’s what I had him. Do I just had him do one exercise?
I had a mask.
What do I really want? Like, where do I want to be in 30 years? I had him think about that vision and then I had them. Elaborate and to actually spend time during the week visualizing what that would look and feel like a week later. We got a phone call and he told me about this Vision he had where he was a grandfather and he was in his back yard surrounded by his children and his grandchildren and they were barbecuing and it just sounded so nice. And so wholesome and while we were still working together, he actually reached out to a woman who he had dated very briefly before and they’re now married today.
And when I asked him I said, what was the real differentiator? Like what was the turning point for you? And he said, you know at the end of the day we were just aligned.
We just had the same vision for our life and what he did is he actually plugged himself into this visualization and he plugged her into the visualization and this dream this Vivid dream that he had.
She was the perfect fit.
It was just right and it made it so easy and one of the biggest challenges is when you both have different Visions for the future. It’s never going to fit and no matter how hard you try to push the relationship board. It’s never going to fit and this is what’s so frustrating for me.
This is so true.
I mean, this is like a fundamental truth just like you getting in a car you’re not going to end up where you want to go unless you have a destination written out.
Does that mean like where am I living?
What is my day to day look like what does it mean to have a partner?
And when you start breaking things down and becoming more clear and intentional all of a sudden then oh my gosh, my by Partners like a horrible choice or you know, there’s really just this one point that is blocking us that were not aligned on maybe we should spend a little bit of time seeing where we can compromise on that point and all of a sudden you have a road map.
You have a road map to a real healthy relationship and without that roadmap your just coasting to I don’t know where to wherever your emotions lead you or to whatever challenges are inevitably going to come up. So I’m going to tell you this question that you can ask a man to determine what he’s looking for and just just a minute. I want to share with you why I think this is so important.
I truly believe this How We Do Anything Is How We Do Everything and in life if we don’t become aware in the moment and become more intentional and thoughtful and instead of complaining about a problem. If we really think about it and address it.
It takes mental energy. It takes thought and focus and creativity and Ingenuity and a willingness and a commitment to resolve the problem and that within that commitment and within that productivity is where the foundation of healthy relationships really stem and you can look for the Quick Fix You can try to find a Matchmaker to introduce you you can try to go to a singles event to meet someone but until you become more intentional in your relationships and in your day-to-day moment-to-moment interaction, where am I going?why men don’t commit,
How am I getting there?
Who am I going there with?
Why is it important that I’m going there asking myself? These questions are so important.
this site specifically is about attracting what I call high quality commitment minded men men who are looking for a monogamous lifelong committed relationship to one woman.
That’s what this site is all about. And in my mind if you meet a man who has no vision, no Clarity no idea where he is going in life what he wants out of a relationship if he’s never even considered it then the idea that he really wants a long-term relationship or a commitment is a little ridiculous to me. How can you want something that you’ve never actually put any thought or consideration into and if that’s actually true if he really does want something that he has no, he’s never put any thought or consideration into then. What does that say about him?
What does that say about his personal leadership abilities?
What does that say about his decision-making processes?
This is someone who is choosing what is arguably one of the most important decisions of his life who he’s going to spend the rest of his life with what kind of a personal relationship he’s going to invest in for the rest of his life. And if he hasn’t put a Me thought into that and he’s just already kind of acting on it and trying to get it done.
That’s a little bit scary.
That’s like basically becoming a partner with a loose cannon who’s going to be running around the world like a chicken with his head cut off when I was dating my wife Kathy one of the first things that we spoke about within the first few dates.
I think even the first couple dates is what are you looking for?
Where do you want to be in 20 or 30 years?
That’s the question.
This is in my mind the most important question.
Where do you want to be in 10 20 30 years? What does that look like?
Because that’s going to tell me right off the bat if we relied now, I’ve said this before and I’ll say this again what someone says is not a hundred percent of the Ballgame, right? What they do is more important.
So if they say this is where they want to go then all you’re doing is looking for.
Well are these the actions they’re taking like is this consistent?
So With my wife we were both completely aligned, you know that we wanted to live like a suburban Chicago life kind of like nerdy life with a family that was and we talked about what that would look like and not that we wanted it with one another just it was we were going on a date with each other. We wanted to know what the other person was looking for out of life.
I felt like that was really important and I remember asking maybe it was a weekend or something if she wanted to have kids and what that looked like it was a it was scary to ask that it felt a little vulnerable but I wasn’t asking her if she want to have kids with me.
I was just saying do you want kids because I wanted to know if guys aren’t asking these questions then I just don’t get what they’re thinking. I just don’t get it. I don’t understand why you wouldn’t want to know this about the woman that you’re dating each person in the relationship should be curious about where the other person is going and be open to sharing where you want to go and being honest about it. So don’t just listen to what the guy says watch what he does and at some point in time if a guy says he’s going in One Direction.
But he’s not taking action to get there.
Then you’re not going to be able to change that. You don’t have this special power to make a man do or say or be different.
So just to recap I think this is so important if you want to know if a man is interested in a long-term relationship or a short-term relationship understand his vision for the future ask him questions related to his vision and if he doesn’t talk about a family life if he doesn’t have Clarity around that Dia or the belief that he’s probably going to want or do those things is in my opinion and in my experience, it’s just a total fantasy. It’s not based in any reality. I don’t know if you’re in a relationship and you’re not sure what’s going on and why you have been moving forward.
Why don’t you try it? Why don’t you actually why don’t you ask him what he’s what he’s looking for and really really see why isn’t he taking action towards it? Let me know in the comments section. Are there any questions that you ask that reveal?
What a man really wants in 20 or 30 years.
I’d love Hear how you have asked in the past. Let me know and if you liked any part of this article of why men don’t commit, if you can share, and if you know someone who could benefit from this article, please send them a link. I would love for this to be seen and shared with more women because I think that this is such an important topic again.
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